Whom You Will Follow

At some point in your life, you must decide whom you will follow.  If you decide that you want to follow Jesus, then you need to count the cost of being his disciple.  Following Jesus will likely affect your family relationships and friendships, even to the point of hating some.

Jesus said in Lk 14:26, “If any man come to me and hate not his father… and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple”.  When we read this verse we can’t seem to make sense of it.  When we think of hate, we think of hate speech, hate crimes, and the like.  To hate a family member doesn’t sound right, at all.

We know that we are to honor our father and mother.  And in Eph 5:29 we read, “no man ever yet hated his own flesh…”.  Yet, Jesus said, “hate… his own life also”.

So, what was Jesus saying and why?

To understand this, we need to cross reference other scriptures.  They’ll tell us what Jesus is saying here and why he said it.  And then we need to respond to what he said.

In the companion passage in Matthew, Jesus said, “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me…”, Matt 10:37.  Read the context from v.34-39.  He’s talking about the division in families when someone decides to follow Jesus.

So, why did Jesus say “hate” in Lk 14, when he only said to not love more than in Matthew?  And why did he say hate his own life when Paul said no man ever yet hated his own flesh?

The reason is found in Matt 6:24, “”No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other”.   There is a principle in life that if you try to serve two masters you are going to eventually love one and hate the other.  Thus, when you follow Jesus as his disciple, you need to hate anyone or anything that is going to try to rule you contrary to his will.  It’s going to come to this anyway.

In Lk 14 Jesus is talking about counting the cost of discipleship.  And he concludes by saying, “whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple”.  Your decision whether to pay this price determines whom you will follow.

The point is this, as a disciple of Jesus, you must do what he says regardless of what others may say to the contrary.

Jesus’s own family didn’t believe him and tried to slow him down, Mk 3:31-35, Jn 7:5-7.  Peter, one of his three closest disciples, tried to stop him from going to the cross, Matt 16:22-23.  Jesus didn’t listen to any of them.  He followed his Father, exclusively.

Here’s the application.

You are not a disciple of Christ if there is anyone or anything that has more say in what you do than Jesus does.  Whether it’s a family member, yourself, or something you own.  If any of these things can persuade you to do something other than what Jesus wants you to do, then you are not his disciple.  You must choose whom you will follow.

The rich ruler who came to Jesus wanted to know what he needed to do to have eternal life, Matt 19:16-26, Mk 10:17-27, and Lk 18:18-27.  Jesus told him to keep the commandments.  But when he listed the commandments, he didn’t mention the first and last ones.  Yet he knew that these were the two commandments the young man wasn’t following.  And he confronted them by telling the rich man to go and sell all that he had and give it to the poor.

Covetousness is idolatry, which is a violation of the first and last commandments.  Jesus knew that those riches had more pull on that man than he did.  Sure enough, the rich man walked away.  The man did what the money said, and that’s what most people with money will do.  Thus, he walked away from eternal life.

The trouble in families often is that when someone wants to follow Jesus, others try to manipulate them into doing what they want rather than what Jesus wants.  It’s natural.  But if you’re the one who wants to follow Jesus, you can’t please both him and your family members who want you to follow them.  You must chose whom you will follow.

When Joe was here from Thailand, he gave his testimony.  Before he was saved, his father prepared all that was necessary for Joe to become a Buddhist monk for a period of time.  In their culture, this would have ensured Joe’s father a better place in the after life.  But when Joe was saved, he told his father that he would follow Jesus rather than the religious traditions of his culture and family.  You cannot imagine the turmoil this caused Joe’s father privately and publicly.  This decision put a wedge between Joe and his father, and their relationship was never the same.  Yet, his father’s disappointment and hurt didn’t stop Joe.  He followed Jesus and follows him to this day.

When I was as young as Joe, I wrote a letter to my father about my salvation and his need to be saved.  My father’s reaction scared me.  All he could say is, “I lost my son”.  It stopped me from following Jesus, at least until I was in my 30’s.

You know what Jesus has asked you to do.  And you know who is opposed to you following him completely.  Whether it’s how often you come to church, or having family devotions, or quitting something in the family he doesn’t want you to do anymore, or starting something in your life that you’re not doing yet, or following him into the ministry, you must decide whom you will follow.

You’re having to decide between him and that other voice.  Jesus said, “You cannot be my disciple and follow them at the same time”.  Impossible.  You can’t follow your heart and Jesus.

You must follow Jesus if you are going to accomplish what you’re hoping to do by appeasing the other voice.   

When you give into the person or desire that is keeping you from following Jesus, you’re hoping that in time they will soften up and come around to what Jesus wants you to do.  That doesn’t work.  You have to come to the realization that you can’t have it both ways.  It’s one or the other.  And Jesus isn’t going to eventually follow your heart, like you want him to do.

Look what happens when choose Jesus as the one whom you will follow.

After the resurrection, Jesus’s mother and brothers were in the upper room with the rest of the disciples, Acts 1:14.  This would have never happened if Jesus had followed their will instead of his Father’s, during his earthly ministry.

Joe’s father never got saved to his knowledge.  However, Joe was given the opportunity to personally witness to his father and give him the entire gospel.  His mother and siblings, on the other hand, did get saved and they’re all serving the Lord today.  This would have never happened if Joe had decided to cave into his father’s expectation, that he serve the temple as a monk for a couple of years.

In my case, I finally decided to go all in for Jesus.  My decision was a major disappointment to my Great Uncle who helped me get my first job in banking.  And I had to put the fears of my father’s possible reactions aside.  In fact, my father and I were able to have monthly conversations about the Bible, the Lord, and salvation.  In time, my father eventually came around to trusting the Lord as his Savior.  I don’t believe this would have happened if I hadn’t begun to follow Jesus.

Anne will tell you that she resisted going into the ministry.  But I was determined to follow the Lord.  Clearly she has no regrets today.  This would have never happened if I had given in to her initial resistance.  Instead, we both followed the Lord, despite other voices trying to convince us to do otherwise.

Conclusion: When we witness to religious people they will often say, “Okay then, if my family is already in hell then I will go to hell with them”.  You better follow Jesus.  You can’t change what happened to them, but you can change what will happen to you and, potentially, to the remainder of your living family and friends.  Will you trust Jesus today?

And you who are already saved, will you decide whom you will follow?  Are you going to follow your heart, your family, or Jesus?