The Greatest Need of a Wife

Ephesians 5:25-29

When the Lord gives instruction to husbands and wives he is also revealing the needs of the other spouse.  For instance, when he tells the husbands to love their wives he has just revealed the greatest need of a wife.  When he tells the wife to submit to her husband he has just revealed the greatest need of a husband.  Much of the information in this lesson has come from Bro. Jim Binney’s book Marriage Assurance.

The passage of scripture comes in context with being filled with the spirit.  So these are things that accompany a spirit filled marital relationship.  Home is a proving ground.  Some of the things we will look at today can be difficult and the reason they are difficult is because home is the proving ground.  God tells husbands to love their wife and thus fulfill the greatest need of a wife.  But most will say, “I already love my wife.”  Just so you don’t go away with the same misconceptions about love that you came in with the Lord Jesus Christ shows you how to love and what He means by love; not your definition, but His.

Sacrificial Love (5:25)

  • How do I love? So you don’t go away with the same misconceptions God also tells you how.  as Christ loved… and gave himself
  • Love is measured by its cost (1 John 3:16)
  • Love can be greater and lesser depending on the cost (John 15:13)
  • Love has feelings, but is not a feeling.
  • Matthew 1:19 the love of Joseph for Mary.  Though he thought he had been scorned, he still sought to put her away privately because he loved her.
  • Headship is leading in the sacrifice.  It will have the effect of drawing your wife John 12:32 & Song of Solomon 1:4.  Not because of the attraction, but because sacrifice stirs up the selfless motivation in her.

Sanctifying Love (5:26-27)

  • The purpose of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice is to achieve purity in his bride.  True love desires purity in the object of its affection (1 Corinthians 13:6)
  • Jesus Christ’s love for his bride leads Him to do things necessary to sanctify her
  • Husbands, your spiritual leadership should have a purifying effect on your wife.
  • Fear and laziness will hinder you in this because sanctification means change.

Strengthening Love (5:28-29)

  • Husbands, your love should have the effect of building up, strengthening and growing your wife.
  • What is Nourishing?  Building up, maturing, growing.
    • Your body repairs itself; it’s wired for fear, pain, hunger, thirst all for its own nourishment and protection.
    • As the spiritual head of the home you are the signal caller, command central to understand when the home is being threatened, or there is pain that needs to be addressed, or spiritual malnutrition.
  • What is Cherishing
    • Value shown in affection (that doesn’t lead to the bedroom)
    • She needs to know she is meeting your needs.
    • She needs to know you delight in her as person.
    • She needs your attention and quality conversation.
  • Natural times of weakness:
    • Children’s pain: for instance discipline in parenting (Proverbs 19:18)
    • Spiritual deception: 2 Timothy 3:6. Interpreting God’s words with how you feel about God’s words. Genesis 3:6 is what Paul points out in 1 Timothy.  Sensualizing God’s words or using an emotional filter (1 Timothy 2:14).  Complicating clear spiritual commands with sensual considerations.
    • Childbirth and pregnancy (1 Timothy 2:15)
  • Strengthening love is to give honour as unto the weaker vessel 1 Peter 3:7 – that your prayers be not hindered.  
  • This makes it very clear that God holds man responsible as the spiritual head of the home.  He has treated you a certain way and when you turn around and treat your wife in a less gracious way the communication between you and Jesus Christ gets garbled.