What are some of the basic Biblical ingredients of a good marriage?

Salvation – 1 Cor 7:39 she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.  It is very important for a successful marriage that both the husband and the wife are “in the Lord.”  There’s trouble enough in marriage without complicating it by having one spouse saved and the other spouse unsaved.  You are better off not marrying.

Fellowship with Jesus Christ – 1 Jn 1:3 and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.  It is one thing to be saved and another thing to be in fellowship with the Lord.  Jesus should be at the center and head of your marriage.  Then, as in the case of a pyramid, where Jesus is at the head and each spouse is in one of the corners, the closer that each spouse is to the Lord, the closer they will be to each other!!!

Fear of the Lord – Eph 5:21 submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.  There are many good marriages that have survived because the spouses feared God and did not divorce when the pressure was intense.  The difficulties that should have destroyed them, in fact, made them stronger and the fear of the Lord is what kept them together during their difficulties.

Church Attendance – Heb 10:25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more as you see the day approaching.   You have to be under the preaching and teaching of God’s words continuously.  Be sure you are active in a Bible teaching, Bible preaching, Bible believing church.  Anything short of that is merely a religious social club and won’t do you much good.

Benevolence – 1 Cor 7:3 let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  Be nice to each other.

Natural Affection – 1 Cor 7:4-5 – that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.  You might as well face it, the marriage bed is undefiled [Heb 13:4] and is there for your mutual pleasure.  A good marriage benefits from a good bedroom.

Purity – Matt 5:28 whosoever looketh upon a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.  So, husband, keep your eyes off of other women.   1 Tim 2:9 in like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel.  And, wife, don’t dress to attract the attention of other men.  Keep yourselves pure.  Flee youthful lusts.

Contentment – 1 Tim 6:6 but godliness with contentment is great gain.  More marriages collapse over financial difficulties than probably any other single cause.  So, be content with such things as ye have.  Having food and raiment therewith be content.  They are enough.  Remember, you have each other and that’s what really matters.  Money cannot buy happiness.

Forgiveness – Eph 4:32 and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as god for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.  You and your spouse are not perfect.  So, when you mess up be quick to ask for forgiveness and be quick to forgive when your spouse messes up.

Love – Eph 5:25 husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.  The husband establishes the quality of the marriage by loving his wife the way that Christ loves the church.  We love him because he first loved us.  So, your wife will love you more as you love her more. According to Tit 2:4, women have to be taught to, love their husbands.

Praise – Prov 31:28-20 her husband also, and he praiseth her.  Hopefully your wife will be as virtuous as the Prov 31 woman.  And as such, she deserves your continual praise.

Honor – Prov 11:16 a gracious woman retaineth honor.  Your wife is a gift from the Lord according to Prov 19:14 and whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord Prov 18:22.  So, give her the honor due her.

Submission – 1 Cor 11:3 but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.  So, the first thing is that the husband needs to be fully submitted to Jesus Christ and the will of God.  Eph 5:22 wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  Then the wife needs to be submitted to her husband.  This is not popular in our society.  Wife, if you cannot submit, then you are not ready to be a wife.  As a friend said, “A man must rule his house or he will wreck it.”

Obedience – Tit 2:5 obedient to their own husbands.  Marriage vows commonly leave out the question, “will you obey him?” and commonly leave out the phrase “to cherish and to obey.”  Consequently, we now have a greater than 50% divorce rate in the USA.  If you don’t want to obey your husband, then don’t plan on being married “till death do us part.”

Reverence – Eph 5:33 and the wife see that she reverence her husband.  He is to honor you and you are to deeply respect him.  It is not often that we see women who reverence their husbands these days.  So, you aren’t going to have much of a pattern to follow. 

Meekness and quietness – 1 Pet 3:4 even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price – Prov 27:15 a continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.  Women are becoming more and more vocal as they are in positions of authority, politics, business, and media.  Wife, you are going to have to learn how to control your mouth.  You may not be strong enough to physically control your husband but you can put him down so hard with your mouth that one would think he had been in a prize fight with a world champion boxer.

Now, if you will incorporate these things into your life and into your thinking before you marry, you will have most of the Biblical ingredients for a good marriage.  If you are already married, you can develop these things in your marriage and begin reaping the benefits immediately.  God bless your home!!

Hope this helps,

Pastor Bevans Welder

 

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